American Idol Take 2 aka Faythe is gone and I got in trouble last time because my post was "lackluster" and I was called a PAB

Tonight the contestants will sing music by Elvis Presley and will spend time with Tommy Mottola. I've never seen Tommy in anything other than a photo with a young talented wife so this'll be interesting. I have no idea what the dude is like. (Photo of Mariah back in the old days when she was naturally beautiful.)

If I'm going to post anything similar to Faythe Style, I'll have to start drinking at least an hour before it begins. I'm gonna go hang out with the hoodlums outside.

...An hour later...

Just got in from hanging out with the Men outside, music blaring out of the trunk all ghetto style and drinking out of bottles in paper bags. They look like bulldogs staring at the cars that drive by. It's no wonder people cross the street to walk by. *sigh*

Yay, American Idol is starting! I just finished some strongly mixed Mountain Dew/vodka drink. I've been warned by the guys that I will be "sprung" tonight. WHATEVERR they don't really know me! Bring it on brotha's, BRING IT OOOON!!

So the show is beginning with the introduction of the three judges. As usual, Simon is getting booed. Poor Simon. He is so honest. Like Shawn from work. I can see Shawn judging American Idol. Yeah, Shawn and Simon are a lot alike. Except Shawn doesn't get booed. Except once when he was sick...hehe I think the exact phrase was, "Boo. You whore." But that's a whole different story. For relevance, please see the movie Mean Girls.

Moving along, the idols get to visit Graceland! Priscilla Presley meets them and says Elvis would be a fan of the show if he was alive. Somehow, that doesn't sound right. Next they meet Tommy Mottola who looks strangely manicured. His facial hair looks perfect. I wonder if he is wearing makeup? Weird. The segment is narrated by Ryan Seacrest who mentions all the people whose career's Tommy has started...Mariah is mysteriously missing from the list. Can we say ROWR?

First, Taylor sings Jailhouse Rock. I like Taylor, he's real. Alright, so he's doing OK. I was briefly interrupted by a phone call but caught the gist of the song. I didn't hear Randy and Paula (hey, I don't have the luxury of TIVO so bear with me) but Simon called his rendition "a terrible impersonation."

Chris is gonna sing Suspicious Minds. OK, am I imagining things or does it look like Chris is wearing makeup on his head? Tommy says Chris's vocal sound would be "amazing on record." Oh no, he's wearing sun glasses that gives him a Bono meets Elvis sorta look. Why do people wear sunglasses inside? OK I know why but ARGH! Basically, his song just sounds like a karaoke version of the original to me. Let's see what the judges say. Randy likes it but says it's OK, Paula said "see ya in the finals" and Simon shockingly says, "sunglasses aside, that worked." I'm really surprised, I didn't think it was that great. I mean, it was just fine but not something that would automatically send someone into the finals.

Next is Elliot singing If I Can Dream. He's looking awfully furry during rehearsal. Tommy says during rehearsal "That needs a lot of practice, we don't want it to sound like a bar mitzvah song." heh! I feel bad for Elliot, he seems like such a nice guy but the vibrato is awful! I've never been a fan of chipmunk vibrato and he is getting awfully close, DAMN CLOSE! When he's not nervous, he sounds great. Oh yeah, and he's sporting a goatee; fitting. Now, on to the judges. Um, am I off tonight? Is it the vodka? Cause I didn't feel it, but Randy and Paula loved it. Simon is calling him an underdog and says, "so far, that is the best performance tonight."

BTW, what's up with Elliot's obnoxiously huge ties he's been wearing lately? Does he not KNOW they're way too big? Is this supposed to be his trademark?? A CLOWN TIE??? GAH!

HAHAHA I LOVE that commercial with Dr Rey of Dr. 90210 in which he's talking about breast augmentation and how "yours are kinda small" and the patient ends up being a chicken. hehe funny.

Oh goody, on to Katherine. Tommy is talking about how it's a hard song to pull off. He's "very impressed with Katherine and a better singer than I've heard on the show so far" and a bunch of other compliments. You can almost feel the tension as he struggles to keep his eyes on her face. We all know how he likes 'em young and talented. She's singing You Ain't Nothin but a Hound Dog. Wow, she sounds cute and looks like she's having a lot of fun throwing in a few Elvis type dance moves with a few of her own. She's adding a twist to it towards the end, nice! She admits to Randy that she forgot a small part in the middle but honestly, I didn't notice. Uh oh, Simon is about to be mean, I can see it in his face. He says she looks like "a desperate manic audition. ...It was manic, it was shriekek, it just for me wasn't a great performance over all." Uh oh, if American keeps voting like Simon tells them to, it's not looking good so far. Because seriously, we all know that people cannot make their own decisions and will only vote as their told.

It's commercial time and I'm wondering how much wine Faythe consumes to get as belligerent as she does. I've had almost a half-pint of vodka and I feel fine. OK, a little sweaty, hot and I have to pee, but I don't feel like swearing or making breast montages. Maybe belligerence isn't my problem, maybe it's TMI.

Oh, back to the show. Taylor is on, he's singing In the Ghetto. Tommy says "that was very impressive" about his version. I guess he told Taylor to leaving the dancing out of it. LOL!! I personally like this song, it reminds me of the olden days when I was just a youngun' and nearly walked to school when I missed the bus because I was too freaked out by the idea of staying home. I may be biased but I'm really liking this song. *sniff* Randy says this is "finally" the right key for him if he makes an album. If?? Paula calls him a well-rounded artist. Simon says "the first performance was just silly...what you have just done is just sung your way into the semi-finals." Simon's getting pretty good with the compliments!

Next is Chris. He's singing A Little More Conversation. Tommy says something that didn't sound too impressive to me so I forgot already. Again with the vibrato? What's with the chipmunk vibrato?? OK so he's singing the song and his voice sounds great (aside from the intermittent vibrato), he sounds fine. Towards the end we hear the typical screaming. Randy and Paula like him...ON TO THE REAL CRITIQUE from Simon! "I thought your first song was a lot stronger....it was kinda flat."

During commercials, I learn that San Diego is a national hot spot for stolen cars. I'm starting to feel bitter about the time my '87 Sentra was stolen 1.1 times. The .1 is for the time the guy actually didn't steal it but he was thrusting something into the window and had ripped off some of the barely-there rubber seal. Jerk. Oh hey, did I mention that the guy who bought the car put a heavy duty dual exhaust on the car? So now when it drives off it sounds all gangsta! LOL You'd laugh too if you saw what it looks like.

OK, it's Elliot's turn again. He's singing Trouble. Tommy says his impression of Elliot is a lot different in person than on the show, he's a lot more mellow in person. Then he goes on to tell Elliot that the song is really about attitude. So what's he really trying to say? And how much more mellow can a person be?! Again Tommy's pink cheeks are freaking me out. Elliot begins and you know what? I'm liking it!! It's got a nice bluesy sound, he sounds hot! (As I edit this after the show, I'm beginning to wonder why I originally used the adjective "hot," but have decided to leave it.) Paula takes advantage of her front row seat to dance around and shake her booty. Randy and Paula say this is Elliot's best performance ever. Simon says, "You're showing personality, you know what, you deserve to go through to the next round." Wow. Simon, are you ok? Such nice things you're saying tonight! Ryan says something about Paula's moves and how someone should give her a dollar after her dancing. hahaha! Simon cuts him off and says that he's being disrespectful. I can't believe my EARS! Simon is sticking up for Paula!! You know...I think Simon, Paula, Randy and Ryan should all have a talk show. That would be fab!

Last is Katherine. She's singing Can't Help Falling In Love. I just noticed each of Tommy's hairs are combed perfectly parallel to each other. He says "she has a magical voice" or "gleam" or something. Sorry, I was distracted by his manicured eyebrows. She's singing and making a lot of eye contact with the camera. She's a great performer. Hmm, she started off beautifully but got a little flat and maybe a little strained towards the end, almost like she didn't take a big enough breath and had to force out the high notes. Actually, the last couple measures were awful! Randy talked about her pitch and Paula said she enjoyed watching her sing. Simon said "the song started off beautifully" (hey, he took my words!!). He compares her singing to apple pie with too much ice cream or something, I'm not sure, it was weird. I'm busy staring at her stomach, is that real skin showing? Or flesh colored cloth? It's a totally different color than her chest and face.

OK now they're reviewing each contestant and for some reason, Chris's sunglasses instantly pissed me off again. Double GAH to those sunglasses!

Well, I'm sorry to say I don't think Katherine did very well tonight. Too bad, she is one of my personal favorites but she had a bad night. I think Taylor is my favorite tonight. At this point in the show, it's anyone's game. Who are you rooting for?