Storm Watch 2011

Here we sit on the even of The Great Storm. Everyone is a flutter about the snow and freaking out. The city is on alert, plow schedules are published, schools ready to close at the sign of an inch of snow....we are ready.

Apollo bought a pizza from Costco in the event we're snowed in by a few inches of the regions worst, most horrifying white stuff. We have leftover spaghetti to last us through the weekend. Our tanks are full of gas and cell phones set to text each other at the first sign of school closure.

Apollo is ready to build a snow man, even if that means rolling each piece of the snowman up and down the street until he gets enough to build to his inner child's content.

Yep, you can tell we don't get much snow. Meanwhile, states like Louisiana and Texas are getting heaps of snow. We've felt robbed for quite a while. We want our snow! And if that means overpreparing and letting our working ourselves into a frenzy, we'll do it!

I HAVE CRAMPS

APOLLO IS OFF BUYING ME TACO BELL RIGHT NOW. YES, THIS IS A SITUATION THAT REQUIRES ALL CAPS. I DON'T FEEL GOOD. I HAVE PAIN. I NEED GREASE.

I gave her a knife sharpener for Christmas

*70s happy elevator music plays on my phone*

Me: Hi Mom, how's it going?

Mom: Well I just got done feeding the calf and he tried to buck me blah blah blah blah blah it has been so cold! I'm freezing my hiney off blah blahblah blah blah blah and that dumb red chicken got out again and I swear it is one step away from getting butchered and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah oh how was Aimee's first day of classes?

Me: *watching tv* She's here, she said everything went great.

Mom: So I talked to Rose and blah blah blah we made spaghetti sandwiches for dinner tonight blah blah blah blah blah blah blah my thyroid turned out to be normal! The doctor said I have high cholesterol! !! He wants me to lose weight AND exercise! Blah blah blah blah blah blah I don't know why I'm not losing weight blah blah blah.

Me: uh huh *whispering* hey Apollo, can you pause the movie?

Mom: Did I tell you about the yearling elk that got tangled in the fence? Blah blah blah I went to the dentist today. My molar hurt when you tapped it, you know like blah blah blah blah blah and then they cleaned my teeth and now I don't have any more pain! Did you KNOW you can get plaque between your gums and your teeth? Blah blah blah blah.

Me: You should try out one of those Sonicare toothbrushes like Aimee has. You would be amazed at how well it cleans your teeth. She got me one for Christmas, I don't think my teeth have ever been so clean with so little effort on my part.

Mom: SOME PEOPLE GET PLAQUE ON THEIR TEETH FASTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE!

Me: It's OK Mom! I'm just saying, it's a nice toothbrush! *wondering how many minutes I have left on my cell phone* Maybe your dentist can recommend something to you to help fight plaque?

Mom: Anyway blah blah blah and I told her, I use a butcher knife to get plaque off my teeth. She just looked at me and said, don't scratch your teeth too much!

Me: *stunned*

So you say

I have been sick lately. Actually, this cold is connected to the cold I got back before Halloween. So last week I finally went to the doctor and had a lung x-ray to find out that I only had a chest cold compounded by asthma. I always feel cheesey about going to a doctor for something as simple as a cold.

Yesterday I got a phone call from the doctor's office. "The radiologist found a high density mass in your lung x-ray. It could be a shadow or it could be a tumor." Why do I always get the people with crappy bedside manners? (Like the time my gyn told me I probably had cervical cancer, "the kind that's impossible to treat.")

So I went in right away and had a CT scan with iodine dye (which make you feel like you are peeing your pants) and I was inserted into what appeared to be a large donut.

"Good news," said the doctor. "You have pneumonia."

Nope, no tumor.

K!

I am a Knitter. A Knitter with a capital K. I am obsessed, neurotic and generally wear blinders when it comes to whether or not I have enough yarn or patterns (that’s just crazy talk anyway). I know some people think knitting is a grandmotherly art – those people obviously are obviously unaware of the not so recent advent of knitting popularity! (Look at Ravelry, a web based community for knitters and crocheters – it gained its 1 millionth member on November 13th. And just last month Ravelry beat Facebook and Twitter for .Net’s Community Site of the Year award.)

This year I had given myself the goal of knitting a pair of socks each month for my mom and aunt. Normally this would not be an amazing feat at all, especially for an unemployed person. But then I got a job where I was required to get up at a specific hour and go to bed at another specific hour. You know, Responsibility. And then I got overwhelmed with all my new duties and stressed about the pressures of these new assignments and I did my usual deer in headlights, knitting style. And my knitting slowed to almost nothing. I became a knitter with a small k.

Fast forward 6 months and I only have two more pair of socks to complete my yearly allotment for my aunt and oh, I think, five pair for my mom. Yes I am a little behind.

But then! In a frenzy that can only be described as plain ol’ totally out of control, Faythe style, on November 30th I decided, on a whim, to order enough yarn to make three large Christmas stockings and three pair of Christmas socks. I even paid for three day shipping! Me! A person who only buys yarn online if I can get free shipping! (This of course gets me into trouble because usually there is a minimum spending requirement.) To get the full impact of my situation, here are some of the projects I have lined up or am currently working on:

-one sample baby vest
-one baby sweater that needs a collar and to be seamed
-my Abracadabra socks
-Elaine’s OSU socks that need to be charted before I can continue past the cuff of sock 1
-Aimee’s slippers
-the Hazel Knits KAL socks
-the scarf for Elaine
-a bear that I have half finished and misplaced
-a Christmas baby sweater that I have swatched
-Mom's crazy clown vomit socks (they count towards her Socks of the Month)
-3 Christmas stockings
-minimum 3 pair of Christmas socks

As write this, I have just been informed by Apollo that a large package from Knitpicks has been delivered to our home. Clearly there will be a lot of knitting in my future. Faythe is “awaiting all your insane text messages” of “incoherent texts due to lack of sleep, frogging from lack of sleep and being in a rush, complaints of knitting injuries from knitting tightly and for too long.” I don’t know where she gets all her assumptions, unless it is from years of observation and such. Pooey I say!

So now you know. You know why I haven’t been blogging. Because I am a Knitter! A Knitter with slightly unrealistic expectations!

Curses!

Mom has a large potluck at her house every year, one that involves hundreds of people (usually older folk), motorhomes, port-a-potties and the occasional banjo or fiddle, if we're lucky (and when I say lucky, I mean, awwww yeah!!). This year the potluck was considered a success, until about two weeks later when I got a phone call from my very distressed mother.

Mom: The chest freezer must have gotten unplugged when we were unplugging Bill's RV, the water cooler and whatever else!!!

Me: That's not good. (At this moment, I actually remembered unplugging one of the many extension cords, but I stayed silent. Very silent.)

Mom: * angrily and accusingly * Now I have to throw everything away. INCLUDING MY WEASELS!! AND MY ELK HEAD!

Me: Mom, I didn't know you had more than one weasel. Are you talking about weasels, plural, and not the one in the house freezer? Because when I was at your place last, I saw him there propped up against a bag of broccoli and he was still frozen solid.

Mom: Well yes, remember that one I found on the side of the road and brought home for you to see?

Me: Oh yes. Now I remember, with the blood dripping out of its still warm body?

Mom: Will, that one too. (She chronically misspells the word "well." I can hear the misspelling when she speaks.)

Me: !

Mom: Anyway, now I'm upset! Because I have to throw out the weasels, elk head, my pheasant, the rabbit furs....all of it is gone!! I AM SO UPSET!!! When are you going to come over and help me clean it out?

Me: As much as the idea of helping you throw out rotting animal carcases appeals to me, I'm just not sure if I'll be able to come over this weekend.

Mom: Sigh! MY WEASELS!!


Stay tuned for "Part II: Silence of the Lambs Mysterious Animal Parts"

Snowball Tree 2010

Our Snowball Tree gave us a nice treat this year with what seems like even more flowers than last year.



We'll definitely have to do some major pruning this year, especially since one branch is laying down so low (especially after a good rain) that it's touching the ground. The snowballs remind me of Hydrangeas but the plant is actually related to the Honeysuckle.



I just can't get enough. Sadly, now that it's getting warmer the petals are starting to fall like snowflakes.