Monday, August 15, 2005

Aging and...WHAT THE?!?!

As I gracefully age, I notice little things that are obvious signs I'm not a kid anymore. For example, the other day I leaned over the sink to look into the mirror for food in my teeth (there's nothing worse than talking to your coworkers for hours after you've eaten a poppy seed muffin and realizing later you had a seed right in the middle of your teeth) when HORRORS UPON HORRORS I noticed something-gone-wrong with the skin just above my cleavage. I got a glimpse of ...."old lady skin."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I took a double take and looked again and sure enough, there was a small section *ahem* that took on that thin skin look and wrinkled...just the wrong way. Like parched skin. Like the top of an old ladies hand. Like a freakin' OLD LADY!!

A friend has comforted me through that episode (seems I'm not the only one) but there are other signs of aging. For example, my nephew. Now, Ervin is a nice looking kid. He's well mannered and respectful - he's got those southern manners, you know? He is, of course, 16 years old so he does act stupid sometimes. I've come to expect it and laugh because it wasn't that long ago I was his age (yeah that's right, not that long ago - and I don't want to hear your obnoxious snickering, ok?). I remember feeling and thinkingthe same way he does.

But sometimes, he does stupid stuff. One of his most recent stupid things was wearing colored contacts. Now, I understand the fun of changing your eye color! Even if it looks stupid, it's cool - we all go through these phases! But, dare I say "Yo, don't buy them at the swap meet. Do yourself a favor and go to a doctor! Get them fitted before you give yourself an corneal ulcer!" Thankfully he has grown out of this phase. Good thing too because I was tired of looking into the eyes of a zombie. It was just weird! I'm sorry, black people don't look good with light brown eyes...especially when the pupils, due to the contacts restrictions, don't dilate. WEIRD MAN, WEIRD!

So his latest thing is a gold grill. That's right. He paid almost $400 for a gold plate to wear over his top front teeth.

*sigh*

The grill has fangs, not like dracula, but some weird square fangs. It looks silver in the photos, but really, it's rapper-gold. Oh, and has some criss-cross action outlining the bottom of each tooth. I guess that's supposed to give it some bling-bling. I caught him wearing his grill last night as he came home from work.

He works for an organization that requires him to wear this jungle shirt, otherwise he'd look much more off the hook. Lil' Erv represents!! But look at him with that grill. He's so....wow. Notice how he's tucking in his bottom lip so we can get a better look at his grill?

*sigh*

So, I started teasing him and calling him 30 Cent, 'cause he's not full grown and doesn't fill out 50 Cent. I'll probably stick with calling him 30 Cent too. That's funny. hehehehehehe!
Or maybe I'll call him Two Bits. HEHEHEHEHE!

Another minor irritation is how he always has the cell phone glued to his ear. He couldn't even rip it off his ear while he begged me for a car ride. But this is a topic for another day. grrrr!

See, look, he's still a kid, he even has cotton candy in his hand! Why the stupid grill!! I know I might sound old and preachy but I can't help but tell him, "You have such nice white teeth and you look so good! Why do you cover them up?" And then I mumble tuff like, "why, why, WHY??" Hence his smiles in the pictures.

Is it just me or does he look like a washed up rapper? Or some guy living on the street? Did you happen to notice his bling bling earrings and his eyebrows with shaved designs? Seriously, I love this kid to death, but I just don't get it. I guess as long as he's healthy and not doing drugs and other things on my "don't you dare" list (we've talked about the list), then it's cool. But, I still don't get it. I guess all I have to say at this point is...

Why? WHY??

2 comments:

Daisy Ditzy Do said...

I like 30 Cent! That is what I'd use. LOL =)

Karyn said...

oh Rayleen.....why do people do that to their teeth???? Who the
f%*k told him that looks good??? And why does it cost so much to look so ghetto??? That shirt is about the best thing he has going for him in that photo!!