I see your peed-my-pants story and I raise you a crap-in-the-pants story!

Faythe recently told an embarrassing story about peeing her pants. Not to be outdone, I decided to share my most recent embarassing story.

See, Apollo has always been a polite, proper kind of guy. It's unusual for him to fart or burp in front of people. Even when you've known him for years and years, he still rarely does these things. Until he met James our neighbor and his new BFF.

James is a pretty manly guy. He adjusts his balls while talking to you, spits big loogies all over, blows his nose while one finger presses one nostril closed allowing the other nostril to empty out on the street, etc. A couple weeks ago, he jumped in the air and farted on a little kid innocently pedaling by on his bicycle. (I can still hear the kid saying, "Ewwwww!" as he hurridly rode off.) Classic man behavior. Now that Apollo is hanging out with James, he's starting to catch on to some of this disgustingness. Especially after spending a week with James doing some yardwork at his parents, well let's just say that within 20 minutes of his return home, Apollo squated and farted right in front of us all. And then he looked at us with that, "How you like that!" look.

So there has been a lot of farting and burping going on around here, especially since we are all eating a ton of fiber. Oh, and then there's the contributing factor of Aimee bringing a poop story home from work (at the hospital) and into every single conversation. (For whatever reasons, poop stories always surface when Aimee's around.)

A few days ago at Target I thought I was going to be able to ease one out quietly but to my dismay, I did quite the opposite. Like any experienced public gasser, I loudly said, "Apollo!" and scrambled quickly around the corner. Apollo was left standing there with his mouth open (fool!!) and a lady staring at him. Needless to say, he didn't trust me much after that and it took some coaxing to get him to stand near me for the duration of our shopping trip.

Which brings me to my final story. We're sitting at the table and I lean over to let one out in a challenge to Apollo (because I had already bested him in burping, ain't I the little lady?) and farted.

Or so I thought.

I'll try to spare you the details but, let's just say it sounded like blowing bubbles in gravy. Thick gravy. I know! Disgusting! Also? Pooping your pants smells nothing like a fart.

Apollo looked at me, rather unsurprised I might add, and said, "That's what you get!" He later told me he felt vindicated over the whole incident at Target.

So there Faythe. I share your shame with the world.

The best gifts EVER

I don't know if I mentioned it, but Apollo was gone for an entire month recently. He took a trip to San Diego, then to Houston and Louisiana and then back to San Diego. He got back last week and good thing too, it was getting awfully quiet around here. Also, the back yard needed to be mowed something fierce (the neighbors took care of our front yard according to prior arrangement with Apollo). The cats were beginning to crowd me on the couch and follow my every move. Plus, I wasn't ready to give in to their nightly demands of special food that Apollo always gives them. And then there's the issue of the whole neighborhood constantly asking me when he was coming back. (Seriously, it's like we had a celebrity in town the first several days he was home!)

In the fifteen minutes it took me to drive to our tiny two terminal airport (complete with sheep grazing on the other side of the air strip), he had already picked up his luggage and was waiting for me at the curb. I love small airports! And totally the extra $100 we had to pay for flying out of this airport versus an International airport a couple hours away. I'll pay $100 any day to avoid driving in Portland's traffic just to get someone to their flight on time or bring them home after a long trip.

While unpacking, Apollo surprised me with three frozen bundles wrapped in foil and plastic bags. Get this...frozen carne asada's straight from Saguaro's! He bought and froze them the night before his trip back home and then tucked them deep into his luggage for the flight. After heating them up in the oven, he, Aimee and I had a delicious dinner straight from our own favorite Mexican restaurant in San Diego.

It was outstanding. I think I'm going to do this every time we go to San Diego or have a guest who visits us from the south!

Keep that in mind people!

Signs I am losing my mind

After a night filled with cat fighting, playing, getting into things, walking on loud things, walking on me, jumping from windows (and possibly the refrigerator, from the sounds of it), meowing in the empty room creating loud echoing, barfing sounds, cabinets slamming repeatedly, and cats launching off me, I have finally succumbed to what may be called "the crazies."

So far I've managed to keep the cats awake all morning, though they are now grouchy and are hissing and growling at each other as I type.

I've also been doing the, "Ha ha, You're Awake How's it Feel," dance every time they try to doze off and I wake them up with kisses and hugs.

There has also been a lot of cackling by me in their direction.

Also, I caught myself signing to Simba. Zoe got mad because Simba came over to me to get pet and she ran off like a little monkey (we call them monkeys when they scamper with their tails curled). I signed, "She's a mad monkey," to Simba. I know!!

And then I found an old man hair in my eyebrow!

Kiila

I finally got a photo of my latest socks on the lettuce bed. I thought the green would make the peach socks pop and boy did it! I used Hazel Knits Artisan Sock in Sanguine Peach with Sock Knitters Anonymous May Mystery Sock, Kiila (Rav link). It was my first toe up sock. They're going into my Christmas bin for an unknown recipient.



The cable and cuff was knit through the back loop and created a nice defined stitch. I ended up casting off in pattern while using two needles in my right hand, one in my left to avoid a too tight cast off edge. It was a little uncomfortable but well worth it.



The pattern is of Finish design and only available until June 8th. If you're interested, be sure to get it from Ravelry while you can.

Raised beds almost out of control

So it seems those instructions on the back of the seed packets were there for a reason. Who knew? In this first photo, the radishes are trying to kill the carrots (bottom left), the broccoli won't stop flowering, the collards are also flowering and one got so heavy it fell over. There's also brussel sprouts, tomato and a basil plant in this box. Good luck finding them.



To the right of that box is our strawberry bed. It's in a box but hasn't been raised yet. We're waiting until the strawberries are done producing fruit before we dig them up. A snake lives in the strawberry bed, he's a cutie pie.



Next is a box of zucchini, more tomatoes, a cilantro plant that exploded, some peppers that are still itty bitty and two different kinds of squash. I'm worried the zucchini will take over and end up spilling into the lawn. How do square foot gardeners make this work??

Last is my box full of lettuce, spinach and collards. It's an understatement to say the lettuce has gotten out of control. Well, the spinach too. Unfortunately I don't like spinach or collards so Aimee and Apollo better get to eating!!



We have another garden area but I'm saving that for another day. The weeds are a bit embarrassing.

Who knew carpet could be so disgusting?

I finally got all the carpet out of the bedroom. The worse part was in front of the closet and the doorway. The filth under the carpet padding between it and the carpet was just gross! At one point I smelled that powdered carpet deodorizer and really, it just kind of made me want to gag. Who knows how many years of human filth and dust mites are currently laying in a pile in the middle of the room right now. EWWWWW!



Several hours later (it's amazing how the color on the wall changes when the natural light fades), the exposed floor is full of staples and the room is edged with carpet strips.



Here's what I get to tackle next. Nasty adhesive! Apparently, at one time someone stuck tiles all over the nice maple floor. Fortunately I won't have to use any chemicals to get it up, just a lot of hard work. Mom said she'll come out and help me too.

You can see a little spot just about in the middle of the photo that I already started scraping. The wood looks pretty good too, I haven't found any major scratches or damaged wood yet.



Next: Clean the floor, finish the trim (some of the baseboard was under the carpet and has to be sanded since carpet was/is sticking to it) and then refinish the wood. Oh, and then curtains!

Paint is expensive

While Apollo's away, I'm going to try to do a little fixing up around here and surprise him when he returns. Yesterday Mom arrived and we moved everything out of the bedroom, including breaking down the bed and vanity. Aimee joined us and we applied primer to the main bedroom walls and ceiling. Today we painted the ceiling and put on two coats of a warm sage green. It's not quite the color I thought it would be but I'm warming up to it.



It was so hot today, the second coat was drying as quickly as we could put it on. After it had dried, I excitedly peeled back two corners of the carpet to take a look at the hardwood floors. I was disappointed to see adhesive all over the beautiful hard wood. This spells out hours...nay, days of hard work on my part.



I'll start on the carpet and floor tomorrow. The faster I can get that all done, the faster I can move back into my new room and start the other rooms before Apollo returns in a couple weeks.

I'm traumatized!

Now that Apollo is away on his trip, I can eat a lot more veggies without hearing complaints that there's nothing to put barbecue or hot sauce on at dinner. (Well, to give Apollo credit, he has been eating a lot of salads recently, no doubt helping him lose the 20lbs he's shed since we moved here.)

So today I fix my usual lunch salad, then threw some turkey meat on top and added some pineapple that I had freshly cut up. I turned the plate in circles while spritzing it with my Italian dressing when suddenly, I SAW A HUGE BEIGE SPIDER RIGHT THERE UNDER THE LIP OF MY PLATE.



Of course, my instinct was to spritz it to death! Unfortunately, this didn't quite kill it, as I saw it raise it's ass up in the air and attempt to crawl off. A napkin took care of that problem though, and into the trash he went!

So then I stood there, staring at my salad, wondering where that damn spider came from. Especially since some of the lettuce came from my garden! Did he come in with it??

After letting the salad sit for about 20 minutes while I did various chores and thought about what to do, I eyed it over and am now slowly eating the salad leaf by leaf and not with my usual gusto. I just can't let a dish like this go to wast. Seriously, I'm not a spider hater but I don't want to find one in my salad!

I'm a bit freaked out right now!!

Oops

Today while weeding, I accidentally pulled an onion. As you can see, it's not quite ready but very cute.



Also, my broccoli started blooming already! Apparently that's bad. I thought it meant they were getting ready to produce bigger florets. But unfortunately it means they're getting ready to go to seed and aren't edible. So I painfully cut the tops just above new florets that are growing. Too bad too 'cause I love broccoli! If I had known, I would have cut and ate them long ago. Hopefully not all is lost (like a family friend told us). If so, I'll just pull them up and move my brussel sprouts around. I learned they may need more space then I gave them. Next year I'll not only pay attention to the recommended seed spacing but I'll also eat my broccoli before it's too late.

First harvest

It's a bit of an understatement to say the radishes have exploded and are threatening to take over the carrots. I pulled up a few for tonight's salad and they have a nice bite! Some of them are starting to look like carrots due to my planting them too close together. They're crowding each other and growing down rather than out. The lettuce is prime too. I carefully cleaned it and looked for snails, after a friends story of eating fresh lettuce that unfortunately had a snail in it.



This photo doesn't look too bad, considering it's from my cell phone. Apollo has my camera and he's in Houston at the moment. He left last week and will spend a total of four weeks in Houston and San Diego before returning home. It sure is quiet around here!

I'm pretty proud of him too. He texted me this morning about how all the food is so greasy in TX. I don't think the foods that different from his last visit, I just think he's eating so much better now and has gotten spoiled by all the veggies. In fact, today he voluntarily went to the store and bought salads! Salad! I guess there's a reason he lost those twenty pounds since we left San Diego after all.

Hopefully I'll have better photos of the garden soon. Everything is doing real well despite efforts by the raccoon to dig things up. Oh, and except the broccoli which has already flowered. I've heard contrasting reports that it's a done deal by one person and from another that the broccoli still has some life left in it now that I cut off those flowering heads. I guess we'll see.

Mom's bush. (LOL)

So last weekend, Apollo and I went to Mom's to take care of this huge bush that keeps trying to over her sidewalk. Mom liked it because she could hide behind it when the elk invaded the yard and when strangers parked down by the barn. The problem is, the elk could hear or smell her and would take off. And the strangers down by the barn, well, what good was it to hide behind a gigantic bush that she couldn't even see through to shoot at them? After some "discussion," I was finally able to talk her into letting us remove it.



I called cousin Nate (owner of the Booty Pirate tattoo) and he brought over a chainsaw. Apollo used Mom's chainsaw and the two of them attacked the nearly 8 foot tall bush. Of course, Nate had to take several pot smoking breaks and a neighbor came to visit with some beer, so it took more than a few hours to get it cut down and the limbs removed.



Mom loves the new look but is now talking about planting a climbing rose bush arbor in its place. Apparently she hasn't learned any lessons. Then again, I think she'll be able to slide a rifle through the trellis to shoot at trespassers and thieves so it's a win/win in her book.

Dandelion

Aimee wants to add a dandelion to the other tattoos on her shoulder, including a few seeds fluttering away. Sure, they're pretty in a froo froo kind of way. It wasn't until we moved here that I started to understand the angst many lawn owners have towards them. Damn weeds.

Dogwood tree

We were surprised to see our neighbor's tree, with branches laying over the fence, suddenly splash into bloom a week ago. The Dogwood tree is gorgeous, a nice diversion from the odor of dog urine and poo you notice when you get too close to the fence. And no, not caused by the tree!

Fishin'

Apollo, Andrew and James have been fishing a lot lately, especially since fishing season just opened for rivers. Apollo and Andrew returned home yesterday with their limit in trout. They were cleaned and put in the freezer for some secret fish cook-off planned for this weekend. I'm not exactly sure what's going on but I'm sure it will involve cheap beer, spitting, and scratching body parts. And probably farting too. *sigh*

Snowball tree

Our house came with a variety of plants and tree's growing near it. Actually, the neighborhood is full of all types of different plants and tree's. Things like Honeysuckle, Lilac, Birch, Dogwood, Tulip trees, the Redwood tree growing by our driveway (or 'in' because it's so huge) and many, many more. It's pretty cool and reflective of the nature of the valley and also all the people who have lived here in the past.



One of our trees looks like it had been cut down and then a bunch of suckers started growing up out of its stump. It has what appears to be small Maple leaves growing on it. In fact, that's what we thought it was and considered removing it because it's ill-placed near the road. We temporarily sheered it back so we could at least see past it when pulling out of the driveway and could decide what to do with it.

But before we could get to it, tiny leaves started budding all over. Within a week, it was full of leaves again. And then, something beautiful happened.



Small yellow pompom groups of flowers suddenly appeared. The little "poms" are only a few inches across and have littered the tree with their daintiness. They look quite a bit like mini hydrangeas.



Mom, Aunt Rose and Faythe all believe it's a Snowball Tree. Our neighbors said it had red flowers on it but it looks to me like they're going to be red. I found some dried up looking vines growing up through the tree (you can also see them in the first photo) that appear to have had something on them, perhaps berries or flowers. I'm thinking these are the source of the red berries/flowers everyone is talking about and they died when Apollo pruned the tree. Either way, it looks like we won't be taking out the tree any time soon.

ETA: It's been confirmed, it's a Snowball tree!

Peacock Feather socks

The author of this pattern photographed the sock with a V pattern down the instep but the pattern itself didn't include those instructions. I liked it so much I played around with cables until I figured out how to replicate it. It took days to figure out too since I had to match the cabling with YO's and decreases. It might not be perfect but I like how it looks.

I used Hazel Knits Artisan Sock in Deep Peacock and pattern Ivy League, available through Yahoo Fun_Sox group. I like the look of the V shape on the instep, hopefully I'll be able to replicate it for other patterns.

Daisy Socks

I finally finished a pair of socks I started for a KAL contest on Ravelry. I love the little flowers in Daisy Socks. (Rav link) They're a simple lace pattern, good for even a beginner.

There's one errata you'll want to keep in mind. It should read, "after finishing last psso in 4th repeat on leg and 2nd repeat on instep, knit to end.” Instead, it erroneously lists the amount of stitches you supposedly should knit after the last psso. Take my word for it, it doesn't work like that.

I used Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in Denim with a picot hem.

Lunch

You learned about it in grade school, but when was the last time you saw a spider actually eating something caught in its web? The spider was pulsating while eating the earwig too, intriguing and disgusting at the same time.

Interesting fact about earwigs: they're known to burrow as much as six feet into the ground to get escape the cold.

And it came with a free pair of gloves too

I decided to go for it and put the best soil I could afford in my new cedar boxes. After dragging my feet (and credit card), I chose Nature's Best Planting Soil. According to the website, it's composed of:

"Aged sawdust & bark, compost, potash, silica sand, loam and sand blended with a custom organic fertilizer mix consisting of kelp meal, fish bone meal, blood meal, alfalfa meal, micro and macro nutrients, scrambled eggs, hash browns, side of toast, and bat guano. We have also added Plant Success Mycorrhizal fungi for root development."

It sounds like the soil has been spending its mornings at IHOP!

Twenty minutes after ordering 4 cubic feet of Nature's Best, a dump truck showed up in front of our house and the driver asked me where to put it. He barely squeezed under the Redwood and dropped it off at the end of the driveway. It didn't look like much soil until we got to work.



We ended up having plenty of soil for three of the four 4' x 10' boxes and a lot of soil leftover for the regular existing garden (where the garlic, onions, and potatoes are/will be growing), a flower box by the front door and possibly even a thin layer over the flower bed.

This fall when we get ready to transplant the strawberries into their box, I'll get more soil. We decided to wait until late fall to do that since the strawberry plants are getting ready to produce berries and I don't want to disturb them. We're really looking forward to the berries and the fact that the plants are Ever-bearing, which means they produce several harvests of fruit a year. Can you imagine how awesome it'll be for us to walk out to our backyard and pick a couple of warm strawberries for our breakfast? Yum!



With four of us working on it, we were surprised that it still took us two hours to transfer it to the garden beds. I forgot to take photos until the very end, which is right about when Aimee realized she was 20 minutes late for yet another date.

I'm looking forward to planting seeds and plants tomorrow and this weekend. For now, I'm just hoping it doesn't freeze tonight, since I foolishly watered the strawberries this evening. They've had a hard time lately so I wanted to give them a little pick-me-up. Hopefully that won't be in the form of frosty leaves!

Common Garter Snake

We had another snake siting this morning. He was getting water from a rock lying under a slow drip faucet. He didn't like getting his photo taken and kept striking at me, even coiling up a bit so he could get a good jump at me.