I have a new enemy...

...and it's name is Bird Poo.

Today after church, I discovered HUGE splats of bird poo on my car. HUGE I SAY!! I looked up and saw the pigeons sitting on the power line, laughing at me with their soft little coo's and fluffing of feathers. What jerks! The car had been parked there for about an hour and a half, so who knows exactly how long the excrement was sitting there. I stopped to get coffee and then went home immediately to wash off the poo. (Good thing I got coffee too because I ended up getting really wound up about the poo and the caffeine boosted my energy level.)

We spot washed the car (various neighbors came out to lend their advice) and noticed that the poo left behind funny colored potentially permanent splotches in the paint. In the paint of my new car!! After using a couple different cleansers, we were able to remove the splotches. GAH!

I never thought I would be one of those people that obsessed over their car. I also didn't know why people hated bird poo so much. I thought it was because it was ugly and...well...poo. Not because it has acid and grit in it. That's right! Acid! Grit! Rocks! Sand! First, the acid (uric acid) eats the paint. Then when you try to clean it, you rub the grit, rocks and sand into the paint, scratching it! ARGH!

So far, I've read a lot of different opinions online about what to do about the evil poo. By far, the first recommendation is to quickly remove the offensive bird acid by-product. Some suggest doing this with water. AskMen.com recommends using salt-free seltzer water. Whatever you do, be careful not to scrub it...the grit and other crunchies will scratch your paint.

I've also read that if you let the poo sit too long, you may get etchings in your car and will have to polish and/or wet sand it and then buff it to restore it to its previous shine. What a pain!

Next, you should neutralize the acid. A contributer on a BMW forum, bimmerfest.com, found that Dawn dish soap or rubbing alcohol neutralizes the acids and stops the corrosion of your paint. Note - do so at your own risk. I don't know if this is a good idea but will get back to you when I find additional information. Upon further research, these guys swear that rubbing alcohol is the best thing to neutralize the acid.

After removing and neutralizing the acid, let it sit for a few days and then wax your car. Apparently, waxing your car may help to prevent future bird poo problems by providing an extra layer of protection. There are also some sealants out there that claim to protect your car from bird poo and other car enemies. I'll let you know if I find any sealants that really do protect paint from the evil's of poo.

I think I may have a solution to this poo problem. It appears people eat pigeons. If more people ate pigeons, then suffice to say, there'd be less poo, right?

Either way, I have learned a few things today:

• Bird poo is a biohazard that should be disposed of immediately and properly.
• It EATS YOUR CAR PAINT!
• There is a right way and a wrong way to remove the poo and acid.
• We have confirmation that I like to ramble on and on.

Okay, I guess I'm done. The caffeine is wearing off.