Wednesday, November 17, 2004
One comment she made (and she made several that I'll probably refer back to later) was, "It is better to be humbly grateful than to be grumbly hateful." Wow! This stuck with me for the rest of the drive home from the gym. I began to think about things I've gone through that weren't the best experiences but how I have tried to glean something beneficial from them. For example, being overweight is not what you would call a great experience. However, I hope that it has taught me to be compassionate to people who are hurting, whether or not I see their pain as significant or not.
About a year ago, my grandpa was given six months to live after he was diagnosed with cancer. It has spread throughout his body and is untreatable. But I thank God Grandpa was at least given some "notice," rather than dying suddenly. I thank God Grandpa is able to reevaluate his life and make some decisions about how he wants to live his life. I thank God Grandpa is able to go fishing, hunting, and spend time with his family rather than living in a hospital. I thank God Grandpa is living without pain.
So yes, I am humbly grateful. I'll do my best not to grumble.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Meanwhile, I'm working on some projects for Christmas. I'm really excited about them but I can't post any pictures because the recipients may see them. I'll post them after Christmas.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Ow, my aching butt!
Talked to Mom this morning. Although I was going to keep it a secret, I couldn't help it...I spilled the beans! I told her about my weight loss these past eight weeks...22 lbs. I'm so proud!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
The machines estimates of calories burned may be off from 5 to 10%, but I'm happy with the approximations. It inspires me to work harder each week. :)
Recently, there has been some strife amongst some people I know and love. Apparently, there was an email sent to "Jack," and he became upset and retaliated with harsh words. Now "Jill," who initiated the communication, is upset and thinks her 20+ year relationship with Jack is permanently damaged. She doesn't know what to do. She has apologized repeatedly, but Jack doesn't want to hear it. At this point, I don't even care what the misunderstanding is about or who is to blame. I don't know who needs to apologize or who is responsible. Honestly, I don't care. I don't care. What I do care about is that Jack is willing to throw away their relationship because of hurt feelings. Is it worth it?? Does someone have to win? Is this what we've come to? Are we willing to throw away loving friendships and relationships rather than work through our problems? I would rather always be wrong and save my friendships and relationships then always be right and be alone.
Sure, I too occassionally have communication problems with Jill. But because I love and value my relationship with her, we have both agreed to disagree and to continue building our relationships with each other. I refuse to let "feelings" get in the way of our happiness.
Monday, November 08, 2004
Calories burned: 1000
I started a new hobby this fall: knitting! I'm very excited about this. Of course, I get excited easily. Anyway, since I go to knitting class tomorrow night, I thought it would be good to look for a pattern that I want the teacher to help me with. I hate to waste time or money, so if I go to class....they better teach me something I don't know! I found a cable pattern that I'm interested in and thought I should give it a go. If all else fails, I could have the teacher show me how to read it. Well, to my surprise, it's much simpler than I thought!! Consequently, I have a sample cable swatch to show Janet, my knitting buddy. I can't wait to use it in a pattern!
Sunday, November 07, 2004
After eating the smaller, structured portions recommended by the Live It plan, I no longer find those American sized portions we've become accustomed to acceptable. I was floored by what I saw! I’m so glad I’ve been given this opportunity to “step back into the box” and look back at what I’ve left behind.
On a side note, the Healthy Choice frozen meals used to be ridiculously small to me. Now, they are satisfactorily filling!
Friday, November 05, 2004
Calories burned: 1000
Thursday, November 04, 2004
I'm starting to understand the importance of getting eight hours of sleep every night. At least, if I'm going to work out like I want to everyday, I need to get plenty of sleep. These past couple weeks, I've tried to maneuver my sleep around tv. Isn't that sad?? I hadn't realized how much of a role tv played in my life until I started going to the gym. But then again, you'd think that after three weeks, I'd have figured it out by now. HA!
Above is a picture of me (not the greatest pic) and a five pound replica of fat!! It's so disgusting! Actually, I have a love hate relationship with The Fat. I'm awed and revolted at the same time. I took it to church and the two First Place groups. It was interesting to see everone's reactions. For those that had lost five pounds and felt disappointed because it wasn't as much as they were hoping for, The Fat made an impact. In the end, I had to take The Fat back to the gym, where it belonged. They were generous enough to loan it to me. :) I still see it during the week...me and The Fat....we've bonded. hehehe
So, right before Halloween, I had a fall out with candy corn. I thought I would be able to handle it (I'm addicted to it) and bought some. Big mistake! Here's what happened:
The devils snack, candy corn, is sitting on the counter in the kitchen, a mere two feet away from the computer. It's waving its little plastic bag arms at me as I type. "Rayleen, Rayleeeen...come to me my love!" It haunts me with a sirens voice. Buttery aroma is wafting my way and I can imagine its sweet flava melting in my mouth. Yet, I am resisting it. I could put it out of sight. Yes, I know. But somehow, I feel more powerful by resisting this temptation that is right here, right in front of me!What is the way out He is providing? I dunno. Meanwhile, I stare at it's delicious piles of...WAIT A SECOND! The piles of yummy candy corn have just been replaced with a vision of a disgusting 5 pound fat replica! Staring at the devils snack, my eyes narrow suspiciously over the rim of my glass of light cran-grape juice. I am no longer tempted by this vile, hideous, yummy goodness.
update: Devil snacks taunted me in my dreams while taking an exercise induced coma-like nap. Even in my dream I was plagued by guilt after eating handfuls of the "mini-fat replicas." GAH!
Calories burned: 900
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Calories burned: 1100 ...an all time record!
My first week I lost 4.7 pounds of water weight. And in each week following my induction into the program I have continued to lose more non-water fat-only weight. :) I am going to keep my weight loss a secret since I want to surprise Mom when I see her this winter. If anyone else wants to know, they can email me. Mom, forget it...don't even try. I'm sneakier than you! hehehe
I had an excellent workout this morning. I kept looking at Joel, wanting to quit, waiting for her to quit. And she was doing the same, apparently. Neither of us wants to stop if the other is still going. hehehe! I have to admit, I was the first to give the cut-at-the-neck signal. I was through!!!
At this point in the First Place program, I personally feel emotionally, psychologically, and physically drained. It's hard to fight these addictions that have brought me to this point. My whole life is changing and sometimes it's painful...very painful.
Speaking for myself, I can say I am often short tempered or more emotional than I usually am. The honeymoon is over, so the saying goes. I have to fight much harder to eat correctly (no, I can't have just one more piece of chicken), exercise (praise God Joel expects me to meet her every morning to work out at the gym), read the bible study, etc. Relationships are even being strained. Hopefully, my friends will forgive my transgressions and we can work together to fight our personal "demons."
I know, that like any inoculation, constant exposure to hardships Satan proposes will only make me stronger. Knowing he wants me to fail challenges me to work harder and take the growing pains of my new life in stride. Believe me, I look forward to each day of growth.