Grateful

Today I listened to Carole Lewis talk about mental health on the CD that came with our First Place bible study. As I'm finding with all of the First Place materials, I was surprised at the content. It's wonderful!! I would recommend it to all of you.

One comment she made (and she made several that I'll probably refer back to later) was, "It is better to be humbly grateful than to be grumbly hateful." Wow! This stuck with me for the rest of the drive home from the gym. I began to think about things I've gone through that weren't the best experiences but how I have tried to glean something beneficial from them. For example, being overweight is not what you would call a great experience. However, I hope that it has taught me to be compassionate to people who are hurting, whether or not I see their pain as significant or not.

About a year ago, my grandpa was given six months to live after he was diagnosed with cancer. It has spread throughout his body and is untreatable. But I thank God Grandpa was at least given some "notice," rather than dying suddenly. I thank God Grandpa is able to reevaluate his life and make some decisions about how he wants to live his life. I thank God Grandpa is able to go fishing, hunting, and spend time with his family rather than living in a hospital. I thank God Grandpa is living without pain.

So yes, I am humbly grateful. I'll do my best not to grumble.

Joel

Praise God for Joel! She is a great personal trainer. :) She's always encouraging me to exercise, cause she knows I can do it. *sigh* We rode our bikes around Lake Murray, 6.5 miles, and afterwards did aerobics at the church. I've decided to declare Sunday an official day of rest; I'm not going to do aerobics AT ALL! No getting up at 5:30 AM for me! I'm sleeping in! WOO HOO!

Meanwhile, I'm working on some projects for Christmas. I'm really excited about them but I can't post any pictures because the recipients may see them. I'll post them after Christmas.

:)

I did it! I pushed myself up to 1,200 calories at the gym again! I used the elliptical and the treadmill to reach my new goal.

Ow, my aching butt!

Talked to Mom this morning. Although I was going to keep it a secret, I couldn't help it...I spilled the beans! I told her about my weight loss these past eight weeks...22 lbs. I'm so proud!

New record!

This morning I worked my butt off (it's true, it's really true, you should see it!) at the gym on the elliptical and treadmill. In an hour and a half, I burned 1,200 calories! OH YEAH, BABY!

The machines estimates of calories burned may be off from 5 to 10%, but I'm happy with the approximations. It inspires me to work harder each week. :)

listen...let's just agree to disagree

In my old age (HAHA) I've realized something. Life is not about who wins or loses, but how we live our life.

Recently, there has been some strife amongst some people I know and love. Apparently, there was an email sent to "Jack," and he became upset and retaliated with harsh words. Now "Jill," who initiated the communication, is upset and thinks her 20+ year relationship with Jack is permanently damaged. She doesn't know what to do. She has apologized repeatedly, but Jack doesn't want to hear it. At this point, I don't even care what the misunderstanding is about or who is to blame. I don't know who needs to apologize or who is responsible. Honestly, I don't care. I don't care. What I do care about is that Jack is willing to throw away their relationship because of hurt feelings. Is it worth it?? Does someone have to win? Is this what we've come to? Are we willing to throw away loving friendships and relationships rather than work through our problems? I would rather always be wrong and save my friendships and relationships then always be right and be alone.

Sure, I too occassionally have communication problems with Jill. But because I love and value my relationship with her, we have both agreed to disagree and to continue building our relationships with each other. I refuse to let "feelings" get in the way of our happiness.

Cable knit

Ah, well...nothing too interesting today. I went to the gym, of course. I wasn't able to use the elliptical so I tried something new. I used the treadmill on grades 8, 10, and 12 for 60 minutes! It was tough, but I burned a lot of calories. I also tried out the stair climber. Not exactly my favorite, but it was satisfactory.

Calories burned: 1000

I started a new hobby this fall: knitting! I'm very excited about this. Of course, I get excited easily. Anyway, since I go to knitting class tomorrow night, I thought it would be good to look for a pattern that I want the teacher to help me with. I hate to waste time or money, so if I go to class....they better teach me something I don't know! I found a cable pattern that I'm interested in and thought I should give it a go. If all else fails, I could have the teacher show me how to read it. Well, to my surprise, it's much simpler than I thought!! Consequently, I have a sample cable swatch to show Janet, my knitting buddy. I can't wait to use it in a pattern!

woo hoo!

The weigh-in was tonight...I have lost four pounds over the last week!

dude...that's a lot!

I ate at Soup Plantation yesterday. I actually enjoyed being able to walk through a buffet and pick out all these wonderful good-for-me foods! But I was shocked at what I saw around me! Most of the people in the place (OK I realize it’s a buffet) were eating a LOT of food! I mean, their plates were full; they had extra food on their tray around the plate, not only on the tray but in small bowls and plates. Looking around me, I realized our society accepts and expects large portions.

After eating the smaller, structured portions recommended by the Live It plan, I no longer find those American sized portions we've become accustomed to acceptable. I was floored by what I saw! I’m so glad I’ve been given this opportunity to “step back into the box” and look back at what I’ve left behind.

On a side note, the Healthy Choice frozen meals used to be ridiculously small to me. Now, they are satisfactorily filling!

1,000 is a good number

Today on the elliptical I bumped myself up to level 2. I could only go for 30 minutes though. I had to stop a lot to stretch my legs. Of course, I always stretch before I get on. After trying level 2, I went back down to level 1 for ten minutes. I felt guilty for being on the machine so long, that I gave it up to a new member that wanted to try it. However, I reached my goal: 600 calories deleted! Next, I went to the treadmill. Now, usually, the treadmill is a cooldown. But today, I wanted to reach 900 calories so badly, that I went from elevation 1 to 6.5! That felt great! When I had attained my goal of 30 minutes, I was at 333 calories. Man, so close to 1,000! So, I raised the elevation to 10 and that's when the real work out began! I only had to walk go four minutes to burn an additional 70 calories. By the time I was done, I was exhausted. I'm beat! This has been a bad week for me...I get tired easily. However, drowsiness caused by a good work out is soooo worth it! I love it!

Calories burned: 1000

five pound fat replica and myself....a love hate relationship!

I'm starting to understand the importance of getting eight hours of sleep every night. At least, if I'm going to work out like I want to everyday, I need to get plenty of sleep. These past couple weeks, I've tried to maneuver my sleep around tv. Isn't that sad?? I hadn't realized how much of a role tv played in my life until I started going to the gym. But then again, you'd think that after three weeks, I'd have figured it out by now. HA!

Above is a picture of me (not the greatest pic) and a five pound replica of fat!! It's so disgusting! Actually, I have a love hate relationship with The Fat. I'm awed and revolted at the same time. I took it to church and the two First Place groups. It was interesting to see everone's reactions. For those that had lost five pounds and felt disappointed because it wasn't as much as they were hoping for, The Fat made an impact. In the end, I had to take The Fat back to the gym, where it belonged. They were generous enough to loan it to me. :) I still see it during the week...me and The Fat....we've bonded. hehehe

So, right before Halloween, I had a fall out with candy corn. I thought I would be able to handle it (I'm addicted to it) and bought some. Big mistake! Here's what happened:

The devils snack, candy corn, is sitting on the counter in the kitchen, a mere two feet away from the computer. It's waving its little plastic bag arms at me as I type. "Rayleen, Rayleeeen...come to me my love!" It haunts me with a sirens voice. Buttery aroma is wafting my way and I can imagine its sweet flava melting in my mouth. Yet, I am resisting it. I could put it out of sight. Yes, I know. But somehow, I feel more powerful by resisting this temptation that is right here, right in front of me!What is the way out He is providing? I dunno. Meanwhile, I stare at it's delicious piles of...WAIT A SECOND! The piles of yummy candy corn have just been replaced with a vision of a disgusting 5 pound fat replica! Staring at the devils snack, my eyes narrow suspiciously over the rim of my glass of light cran-grape juice. I am no longer tempted by this vile, hideous, yummy goodness.

........

update: Devil snacks taunted me in my dreams while taking an exercise induced coma-like nap. Even in my dream I was plagued by guilt after eating handfuls of the "mini-fat replicas." GAH!

Calories burned: 900

Nearly eight weeks ago, I started a new program that is teaching me to completely change my lifestyle. It's a Christ centered bible study with emphasis on weight management. Basically, I have learned that I don't eat enough of the good stuff (vegetables, fruit, etc) and eat too much of the bad stuff (meat, bread, pasta). Since embarking into this new adventure called First Place, http://www.FirstPlace.org, I have initiated aerobics classes that meet seven to nine times a week at the church and have joined a gym! This is a great feat for me, as past gym memberships haven't proved to be so fruitful. Nevertheless, I now go to the gym five mornings a week and love every bit of pain my muscles go through! I'm addicted to the elliptical! I also join the bicycle "gang" (a group of friends from the church) that meets every Saturday morning for a aerobic and scenic bike ride. ...an all time record!

Calories burned: 1100 ...an all time record!

My first week I lost 4.7 pounds of water weight. And in each week following my induction into the program I have continued to lose more non-water fat-only weight. :) I am going to keep my weight loss a secret since I want to surprise Mom when I see her this winter. If anyone else wants to know, they can email me. Mom, forget it...don't even try. I'm sneakier than you! hehehe

I had an excellent workout this morning. I kept looking at Joel, wanting to quit, waiting for her to quit. And she was doing the same, apparently. Neither of us wants to stop if the other is still going. hehehe! I have to admit, I was the first to give the cut-at-the-neck signal. I was through!!!

At this point in the First Place program, I personally feel emotionally, psychologically, and physically drained. It's hard to fight these addictions that have brought me to this point. My whole life is changing and sometimes it's painful...very painful.

Speaking for myself, I can say I am often short tempered or more emotional than I usually am. The honeymoon is over, so the saying goes. I have to fight much harder to eat correctly (no, I can't have just one more piece of chicken), exercise (praise God Joel expects me to meet her every morning to work out at the gym), read the bible study, etc. Relationships are even being strained. Hopefully, my friends will forgive my transgressions and we can work together to fight our personal "demons."

I know, that like any inoculation, constant exposure to hardships Satan proposes will only make me stronger. Knowing he wants me to fail challenges me to work harder and take the growing pains of my new life in stride. Believe me, I look forward to each day of growth.