The past month has been trying. I don't want to bore you with the details but yesterday, it all accumulated into the Mother of All Headaches. My head hurt all day long and though I did take something for it, nothing helped. Everything made me nauseated and I was mean to people I care about. I didn't even knit or pet Zoe! By the time I went to bed, my head hurt so bad I considered I might die in my sleep and that didn't bother me at all. (I know that may seem a little dramatic but at that point, I wasn't thinking straight.) I briefly wondered if a headache could lead to death and then pulled the sheet over my head and went to sleep. Needless to say, I woke up this morning with only a slight headache and am feeling much better, thank you. And I just finished the toe on the second of Mom's socks.
Zoe is still being mouthy about not getting pet. At one point, to get my attention she jumped into the built in shelves in the livingroom, deliberately pulled out one of the teddy bears and sat there meowing pathetically at me.
I've read that to help get yourself through healthy grieving, you're supposed to talk about the person you lost until you can't talk anymore. I don't really want to talk about that so instead, I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. I want to get something to help me remember my grandpa (and no, not a banjo or Chevy pickup truck), so I have decided on either a hibiscus flower or cherry tree blossom. The first being because grandpa loved Hawaiian images (Mom said he loved Hawaiian stuff because of the half naked women). He even had the seat in his truck reupholstered with gaudy flower velvet fabric. The second because of the fragility of life symbolism behind the Japanese cherry tree blossom. While looking at tattoo's online I saw some awesome white ink tattoo's so I'm giving them some thought as well.
Meanwhile, tomorrow I'm going to try to find a salon that will cut my hair without an appointment. Maybe something short so I spent the least amount of time possible on it. I just feel like I need to start over.