K!

I am a Knitter. A Knitter with a capital K. I am obsessed, neurotic and generally wear blinders when it comes to whether or not I have enough yarn or patterns (that’s just crazy talk anyway). I know some people think knitting is a grandmotherly art – those people obviously are obviously unaware of the not so recent advent of knitting popularity! (Look at Ravelry, a web based community for knitters and crocheters – it gained its 1 millionth member on November 13th. And just last month Ravelry beat Facebook and Twitter for .Net’s Community Site of the Year award.)

This year I had given myself the goal of knitting a pair of socks each month for my mom and aunt. Normally this would not be an amazing feat at all, especially for an unemployed person. But then I got a job where I was required to get up at a specific hour and go to bed at another specific hour. You know, Responsibility. And then I got overwhelmed with all my new duties and stressed about the pressures of these new assignments and I did my usual deer in headlights, knitting style. And my knitting slowed to almost nothing. I became a knitter with a small k.

Fast forward 6 months and I only have two more pair of socks to complete my yearly allotment for my aunt and oh, I think, five pair for my mom. Yes I am a little behind.

But then! In a frenzy that can only be described as plain ol’ totally out of control, Faythe style, on November 30th I decided, on a whim, to order enough yarn to make three large Christmas stockings and three pair of Christmas socks. I even paid for three day shipping! Me! A person who only buys yarn online if I can get free shipping! (This of course gets me into trouble because usually there is a minimum spending requirement.) To get the full impact of my situation, here are some of the projects I have lined up or am currently working on:

-one sample baby vest
-one baby sweater that needs a collar and to be seamed
-my Abracadabra socks
-Elaine’s OSU socks that need to be charted before I can continue past the cuff of sock 1
-Aimee’s slippers
-the Hazel Knits KAL socks
-the scarf for Elaine
-a bear that I have half finished and misplaced
-a Christmas baby sweater that I have swatched
-Mom's crazy clown vomit socks (they count towards her Socks of the Month)
-3 Christmas stockings
-minimum 3 pair of Christmas socks

As write this, I have just been informed by Apollo that a large package from Knitpicks has been delivered to our home. Clearly there will be a lot of knitting in my future. Faythe is “awaiting all your insane text messages” of “incoherent texts due to lack of sleep, frogging from lack of sleep and being in a rush, complaints of knitting injuries from knitting tightly and for too long.” I don’t know where she gets all her assumptions, unless it is from years of observation and such. Pooey I say!

So now you know. You know why I haven’t been blogging. Because I am a Knitter! A Knitter with slightly unrealistic expectations!

Curses!

Mom has a large potluck at her house every year, one that involves hundreds of people (usually older folk), motorhomes, port-a-potties and the occasional banjo or fiddle, if we're lucky (and when I say lucky, I mean, awwww yeah!!). This year the potluck was considered a success, until about two weeks later when I got a phone call from my very distressed mother.

Mom: The chest freezer must have gotten unplugged when we were unplugging Bill's RV, the water cooler and whatever else!!!

Me: That's not good. (At this moment, I actually remembered unplugging one of the many extension cords, but I stayed silent. Very silent.)

Mom: * angrily and accusingly * Now I have to throw everything away. INCLUDING MY WEASELS!! AND MY ELK HEAD!

Me: Mom, I didn't know you had more than one weasel. Are you talking about weasels, plural, and not the one in the house freezer? Because when I was at your place last, I saw him there propped up against a bag of broccoli and he was still frozen solid.

Mom: Well yes, remember that one I found on the side of the road and brought home for you to see?

Me: Oh yes. Now I remember, with the blood dripping out of its still warm body?

Mom: Will, that one too. (She chronically misspells the word "well." I can hear the misspelling when she speaks.)

Me: !

Mom: Anyway, now I'm upset! Because I have to throw out the weasels, elk head, my pheasant, the rabbit furs....all of it is gone!! I AM SO UPSET!!! When are you going to come over and help me clean it out?

Me: As much as the idea of helping you throw out rotting animal carcases appeals to me, I'm just not sure if I'll be able to come over this weekend.

Mom: Sigh! MY WEASELS!!


Stay tuned for "Part II: Silence of the Lambs Mysterious Animal Parts"

Signs I am losing my mind

After a night filled with cat fighting, playing, getting into things, walking on loud things, walking on me, jumping from windows (and possibly the refrigerator, from the sounds of it), meowing in the empty room creating loud echoing, barfing sounds, cabinets slamming repeatedly, and cats launching off me, I have finally succumbed to what may be called "the crazies."

So far I've managed to keep the cats awake all morning, though they are now grouchy and are hissing and growling at each other as I type.

I've also been doing the, "Ha ha, You're Awake How's it Feel," dance every time they try to doze off and I wake them up with kisses and hugs.

There has also been a lot of cackling by me in their direction.

Also, I caught myself signing to Simba. Zoe got mad because Simba came over to me to get pet and she ran off like a little monkey (we call them monkeys when they scamper with their tails curled). I signed, "She's a mad monkey," to Simba. I know!!

And then I found an old man hair in my eyebrow!